When your child wants to talk about sex (or you think it’s time to) … the first step is to remember they are a child. Sexual decisions are for grownups to make.

Did you want to know at 10 what you knew at 40?

Would you have liked to know the intimate choices you had at 21, when you were 12?

Twelve year olds are children.

SEX is a grownup choice.

Answer their questions honestly. Trust me, they are seeing and hearing ALOT from their friends. They know (or think they know) more than you realize. It’s your job to help them figure out fact and fiction. Be a safe, laughter and judgment free place for your kids to ask you questions. If the questions are outside your comfort zone to answer easily, write them down, do some research.
Meet again.
Maybe every Monday at 6 while you are walking the dog…. do this until your child doesn’t meet you at the door anymore with the leash in their hand ready to go. They want to know you are there and will be honest with them about it all a little at a time, as they can handle it. Not all at once and they should not be treated as one of your girlfriends on this topic. There should be no giggling, mocking, comparison and gossip over it all. If you treat the topic lightly, so will they. If you treat it as one of the greatest choices they will ever make in their heart and soul. So will they. And remember…..

SEX is a grownup choice.

 Do not allow, endorse, applaud or encourage, a forever choice about any type of sexual desire or decision for a still, small and spontaneous, vulnerable, growing child.

Say that over and over and twice on Sunday! I cannot believe this is actually being done to children but look at the media mindset and story of the day! Clearly it is. Clearly kids today are getting the message that age 13 or even younger is a good time to decide who and what you want to represent and do sexually for the rest of your life. They barely even have the parts developed to make it all work and we are trying to tell them what to do with them! No. Just No.

When “the talk” time comes do not jump to conclusions and offer up mature ideas to a child’s ignorance. Tell them they are normal to be experiencing all these things. Tell them you will be there for them as they move towards their time for sex to start happening, and you will help them become the independent, sexual, creative, beautiful, perfect, passionate wonderfully made being God hopes for them to be – when they are ready for the responsibility and consequences. Tell them their inquiries about it mean they are awesome and healthy and well, and their body is maturing and starting the process of becoming ready for relationships and sex. Someday! Tell them it’s so special it takes years to prepare for and be ready for. Tell them they will know it’s their day for sex when there is zero anxiety, question, fear, confusion or loneliness in their choice to give the greatest treasure of their life to another person to keep forever. There are no take backs in these choices.  They must be ready for them and because you love them and want the best for them it is your job to do the best you can to help them through this tough stuff into the good stuff God created it for in the first place.

SEX is a grownup choice.

Too many kids I know are scared, depressed, sad, worried and wondering who they should have sex with even though the thought of any sex at all makes them feel uneasy. Most of their world is telling them their time for SEX is now and their parents are not standing up to say “NO IT’S NOT. You are a child. Now is your time for gummy bears, school, sports, naps, summer break, campfires, good books, dance parties, baking cookies and jumping off the highest diving board you can find. Sex is for grownups in forever love and commitment, for making a family and home of your own someday and right now you are still in MY family and MY home. I highly doubt you want to go get a job, clean toilets and pay bills. Sex is a beautiful, wonderful thing for grownups only. You are a child.”

Friends, sexuality is a car. Built wisely over time. It can transport, kill, create, journey, inspire, destroy and delight. If you give your kid the keys when they are 12, you better believe they will crash it by 13. Say NO. Help them build a mighty strong and confident vehicle to stand the test of time. Slow them down. Yes you can.

SEX is a grownup choice.
You are talking to a child

Thank you for having the courage to read this and share it and do your best to live it out in your own home. Your children will never strive to be anything wiser, more mature, responsible and confident in themselves than you show them you believe they can be. Please help them see that sex can blossom into so much for the good and pure and loveliness in their lives when they take the time to treat it with respect and patience and pride. And what a relief for them to know that for now all they need to worry about is cartoons, crayons, card games and some math from time to time. Give them permission and power to keep being a kid as long as possible.

Love & Serve & Know you were made for a time such as this!

Mama Mindee